Christmas is rolling around again, and Paris is beautiful. Its streets are glowing, people are bundled up and drinking mulled wine and laughter is hanging around. I love Christmas. I love how everything just sparkles. Even on those blue days, those sparkles can help cheer me somewhat.
I went to Les Marchés de Noël à Paris last weekend and couldn’t believe that it had been a year since I had last seen Paris like that. I’m still in Paris. Living this dream. I took a picture on the street with my mulled wine (per usual) and when I saw it, I remembered I had one taken near the same spot last year. When I found it, I couldn’t believe my eyes.
I’ve changed. I’ve been through so many changes this past year, not just mentally but also physically (because those mental changes are seeping out). You can tell I’m so much more comfortable in my skin. Last year had so many ups and downs and my anxiety grew.
I got sick for the first time this school year Monday, thanks to having gone to Disneyland on Sunday without being too bundled up (more about Disney later). I told le copain (boyfriend) that I couldn’t believe I was sick. Last year by December I had been sick 4-5 times. At the time, I believed that it was the change of city, the pollution, etc… Choosing to ignore the problem. I was anxious all the time at work, stressed with my family because I wasn’t “enough” for them. I was scared because I didn’t have much of an “out” option, or really did not know how to get “out”. I also felt horrible leaving the girl that I so fondly adored, who was teaching me so much about being young again and seeing the world through new eyes. She might not ever know how much she means to me and how much I miss her.
Looking at myself now though, I see I’m so much better off. I have a family that lets me be me, who wants to get to know me as a person and understand that kids will be kids and that our time together isn’t always pretty. They respect me and trust me, and have made me feel that their house is my house. I’m so thankful to them that I cooked them tapas one night (my famous tortilla de patata) and we had conversations about everything and I was allowed to give my opinions and respected for them. The girls are fun and hilarious, and they always keep me on my toes.
I’m more inspired now and motivated than ever. My French exam will be February 16th, 2016 and even though I’m nervous, I’m more excited for the work that lays ahead. I know I can do so much. I’ve survived so much. I’m strong, and I’m going to fight my way onwards.
Funny how much a picture of ourselves can teach us, but alas… life has those funny ways of teaching us.
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