Defining Home

A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.

-Coco Chanel

It’s been a while since I have taken blogging seriously, since I have checked up on other blogs and followers, wanting to keep up with them.

There is something that I have realized about life, and that is, it is constantly changing. We, ourselves, are in constant motion. I have been in a somewhat limbo lately, consumed by nostalgia and trying to figure out my future. An early mid-life crisis if it fits. I’ve lived in three apartments this year, studying for my French exam in April, writing eleven essays in French for my university application and mostly working on my inner turmoils. My au pair friends leaving last year did take a toll on me as well. I hated coming home to an empty apartment, and weekends when I wanted to have plans with my friends… well, it was not as easy. I felt lonely. With all the stress, I tried managing it by ignoring the emotions. I would come home, put on the T.V. and binge watch all my shows. I wanted to ignore everything. I needed constant noise to hide the silence I did not want to hear.

Then one morning, I woke up. I did not feel lonely. I was alone, but there was a spark. I wanted to read again. I was thirsty for knowledge. I wanted to write, and seriously. I have been, just personally and on side projects. I signed up for a gym, because I want to take care of my body. I have been trying to eat better, but food is an addiction I am trying to manage. I have started to pay attention again to what I am wearing and take some time in the morning to look nice. I want to cut my hair. Anytime I want to cut my hair, I know it means it is a new chapter in my life (but we will see if I do it, because I have also always wanted to have long hair). I changed the setup of my blog, because I wanted it to change as well in this new beginning.

The most surprising of it all is that I do not want a change of scenery, which for me is new. Anytime I wanted to change, I wanted to move and go to a new place. Is Paris finally feeling like home? Or am I learning to accept home in myself? The road in acceptance is not yet finished, there is still a long way to pave, but I am slowly getting there.

I look back at things I wrote when I arrived to Paris, and there is a tone to them I no longer have. Maybe it is just me, but I read them as a wide-eyed girl who was trying to run. She was naive, I have learned some lessons. I am still learning, but know I will continue to grow.



You can follow more of Veronica: 

Twitter: @kikalavil


Instagram: @kikalavil

6 thoughts on “Defining Home

  1. So glad Paris is starting to feel like home to you … or that you’re learning to accept home within yourself. Beautiful post. 🙂

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